It'll be the death of me

Asparagus, that is.

I made some last night as part of our green themed, St. Patty's Day dinner and brought some leftovers for lunch.

First bite was of asparagus, and I have been fighting it for the past 20 minutes. Man, this stuff is really doing a number on me!

It's hard to have certain food that you like so much, but just don't jive with the band.

What is your fav food that you can no longer tolerate?

Take 3 or 4 big gulps...

This morning I had my 1 year post-op (a little late!) labs and upper GI swallow done in preparation for my check up/fill appointment this Friday

Now really, is there anything that tastes worse than that barium gunk they make you drink for the x-ray!?! I was seriously struggling to keep from gagging the stuff back up!

The radiologist said that my stoma was so small he was curious as to how I was able to handle solids. This surprised me! I scheduled a fill because I thought I was too loose.

Now I am unsure of if I want to keep my fill appointment or not. Normally I wouldn't cancel it, but my Doc charges $200 an appointment and I don't want to go if I have no reason to be seen. I'll marinate on it for a day or so before I decide...

Feel like I need a fill

I've known that I've needed a fill for quite some time, but I've been putting off getting it.

I haven't been losing at the rate I thought I should be and I was embarrassed to go back to my doctor without dropping some more weight. Absolutely silly, I know, but that's what has been holding me back.

I finally decided that I had to get over my ego or whatever and I called to make a fill appointment. My fill doctor services two hospitals, and the one that I go to, he is only there every other Friday. This means that I can't get in for a fill until October 9th!

Part of this makes me upset that I have to wait so long, and this isn't the set up they presented me with when in talks with whether or not to have my surgery through them, but on the other hand...it does give me some extra time to slim down so that I won't feel like such a loser (or not loser, actually!) when I go in.

Off to walk to the dog...uphill!

Gurgle, burp and rumble

In the morning my band is always very tight and makes eating or drinking a little bit of a challenge. Before my massage therapy appointment this morning I'd had a few sips of a smoothie and I guess it was just not sitting well with me.

All throughout the massage my belly and throat were making these loud, weird gurgling sounds and I had the burps. I could not stop, or hide it...I was absolutely mortified.

I'd explained the sounds to her and of course she told me not to be embarrassed and to relax and let my body do what it was going to do. That was the longest, tensest massage of my life! I couldn't get upright fast enough!

I am used to having these odd sounds escape my body, but it's usually at home in front of my boyfriend, in the privacy of my office, or lost in the noise of a restaurant...not in the incredible silence of a massage room. I know, I know...get over myself!

I am definitely not eating or drinking anything before my next appointment though!

Bad Bander

I had such high hopes for my future when I got my band. I thought that within a matter of months I would be a whole new person. Then...reality set in. I knew that everyone said the band wasn't a fix-all, but I didn't really, really think I would have a problem with it.

Here I am, over a year later, and hardly made any progress. I am not exercising the way I should and I am certainly not following the band guidelines like I should. I've kept the existence of my band a secret from all but a few select people, so I don't have a lot of support set up, or a feel of anyone that I am accountable to but myself...and let's face it, I am way too easy on myself!

I hope that through documenting my experience through this blog I will be able to find a bit of a support group and also develop a tool to help me be accountable for my actions.

Join me on this journey, won't you!?! :)